Today I had a sudden impulse and it came to me as a pleasant surprise. I was so inspired into action to clean up and "remake" my whole room that I reshuffled every piece of furniture in my bedroom. I even switched over my huge-ass bedside bar-top table which was super heavy by the way! My bed is now facing a completely different direction. I kept muttering "spark joy" like a mantra to keep myself going, because I was so sweaty and dusty and really felt like giving up. I needed to motivate myself to finish up what I've started, cause my room looked like it got hit by a tornado when I was in the middle of it, which is always the "hardest and messiest" part, just like any journey or process in life.
Right now, as I'm writing this, I'm enjoying the "magic" of a clean, organized, creative room. The "fruits" of my labour as I'd like to call it. I can come back home and fall asleep to, once my head hits my pillow, or even enjoy a little downtime with a good book or podcast. What's more fitting than doing real labour work on Labour day? My room now feels like a piece of heaven on earth, the feeling of removing hidden dust underneath places you didn't even know could have dust is very rewarding. Here's one of my favorite quotes for you today, to release any negative waste inside your head. Our brain requires tidying up everyday.
"Got to do a thorough spring clean before you start moving in your new furniture, and then, decide how you'd like to arrange it right? Un-cluttering waste in your head is the exact same process."
My space is dark; my darkness is all over. What's next? What's now? Why all this? Did I deserve this somehow? Why doesn't anything or anyone help me? I don't want to feel like this anymore. An ashen haze envelops me all day, every day with lengthy periods of blackness interspersed so much so that I even welcome gray anymore. I get so frightened that it will never even return to gray-then what? I'm out of control in my head and in my heart; my emotions are so overwhelming and my thoughts so confused that it's a free fall in an abyss with no limits-just pain and fear; too much indecision, too much distraction without purpose; endless streams of helpless, hopeless banter in an echo-laden head.
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